The Urbаn Prophet™ 5.0

Througout my life I've been dealing with people going, "When I was younger..." or "I remember a time when i was young..." my favourite though is "Back in my day we used to do things differently." The worst i find are people who know they are older, are upset about it but lie to everyone around them by sayng their ok with it. Yeah, when i was younger i had to swim three rivers, crawl a thirty miles on my belly and battle ravenous hungry tigers just to get to school. What is it with people and getting older that they have to feel upset about it? What difference does it make how old you are in this day and age? Fine, you can't do all those wild anc crazy things like you did when you were younger, and chances are that you can't anymore because well, you fucked yourself up so much first time around doing it.

Reason I'm bringing this up is that at the office i get all these old-timers who've been at the bank for years and they're all, "you're still new that's why u have so much energy...". Bull shit I say, pure, unadulterated male bovine manure. I have this energy cecause i want to... By the way yes, you are thirty, but dude, I'm just 3 years younger than you, three years is nothing. It'd be different if you were like fourty or fifty (not to put people in this age group down mind you). It's all in your thinking and state of mind. My dad's way over fifty, just touching sixty and do you know what he's doing to celebrate retiring? He's driving from London to Kuala Lumpur. A 75 day slog through central asia. What does that have to say about age and energy? Hell, he's even in the same line as you (and me) mate...

As for aptitude, age is no denominator for experience nor level or worth. I've met people in their early twenties who have it going on and are completely dependable when it comes to work. Their bright, their smart and they can do their job. Then again I've met people in their late fourties twenty years into their careers who are so completely gormless that useless doesn't even begin to describe them. Waste of space. The atoms they were made of could have been better put to use in a tea pot.

So my advice to you older folk out there is, if someone who's in the same payscale as you yet you are twenty years their senior, it doesn't mean that there's a problem with the system, it means that you've got to do some seious rethinking on where you're life is headed and get over it....

Boo ya kasha!

I have to go bowling tonight...

It's not a case of i want to go bowling or i need to go bowling, it's well and truly a case of i have to go bowling. I'm not a very sporty person by nature and don't really go for competitive sports, lets just say it's not my cup of tea. It's just that tonight i have to go bowling.
My department is having a get together and they all decided, without my consent mind you, to go bowling. Why bowling, I ask you, why? Why not erm... Drink at the pub, but then again a lot of them don't drink, or a dinner out, wel cuz it's too expensive... So bowling it is...
Big companies always seem to try and find something for their employees to do to 'build team spirit' or 'increase morale' , and it usually involves outings where people are forced to do things they wouldn't ordinarily do. These things can be mandated and compulsory, like management training sessions or like golf. I suppose it's a nice thing to do but shit, i hate it when i have to go do something because i have no option otherwise, I mean if it was my own idea i don't think i'd be so upset about it...

What can i say, nothing really, i just have to go. If i don't then it'll be a case of me being an upstart new guy, I won't be a team player or anything else along those lines. I'm sorry, i don't mean to jab at people who actually enjoy the sport (is it a sport? maybe it is, like how snooker is a sport), but i can't think of anything less i would like to do on a wednesday evening when i can go back home early then bowling.

Well, it could be worse, I mean they might ask me to go play bingo or something....

My sis just moved out on me…

Well, it’s no real big surprise as she and her hubbie have been talking about it for a couple of months now… The cool bit is that I get to have the whole house to myself and don’t have to sit in that dingy little room anymore! Yeah I finally get to call dibs on the master bedroom…

The sick bit though is that I’ll be all alone now from now on, well until my parents move back come next year…. I like my solitude, I thrive in it… Really I do… Just that I tend to get a little bit weird if I’m left alone for too long so I gotta watch it…

Anyway, that’s enough for me now… If I can find time tomorrow, I’ll blog you later…

Why is it that women have to talk so much in the office?

Here I am with a report as massive as the pyramids in Egypt to write, crunching through numbers and excel sheets and I have to endure this constant never ending chatter. Mind you I'm not a misogynist but my god, I wish they would all just shut up!

Shut Up!

Shut Up!

No I don't want to hear about what you did during the week-end, nor do i want to look at that picture of that baby you showed me ten times last week! Hell, it's not even yours! The kids' only your niece! Leave me alone and just let me do my work please? pretty please?

"A man's character is his fate."
Heraclitus (540 BC - 480 BC), On the Universe

Currently, there are seven windmills who can claim to be the "World's Largest Windmill", all of which are located just 10 km of the coast of Arklow, Ireland. In effect, each of the seven turbines represents the world's biggest windmill, with a wingspan almost as wide as two 747s. They are designed to withstand corrosive salt water, shifting sand, pounding waves and stormy winds. They can be operated remotely to maximize efficiency and represents Irelands first ever offshore wind facility. Arklow Bank Offshore Wind Park generates up 25Mw of energy and is the world’s first commercial application of offshore wind turbines in the 3 Mw range.

The past 8 months since I've gotten back to Malaysia has been pretty strange. Interesting at times, sometimes wonderful and at other times completedown right horrifying. If you were to chart down my emotions over entire span of time since I came back, ecstatic at the top and complete depression at the bottom, the chart would have more peaks and throughs then the Himalayas! My entire life, or at least how i understood what life was, shattered to bits in more or less one fell swoop. My entire concept of what i defined my 'me'-ness to be, changed and i had no idea where to start to pick up the pieces.

Well, it wasn't so traumatising as it sometimes feels I suppose but i had to sit back for a long while trying to rediscover what it is to be independent all over again. I've been through so many jobs, met so many people, been through a lot of different yet interesting though at times scary, experiences over these few months. It was like living in limbo, not knowing where to go or what to do, each step forward seemed to be followed by two steps, back much like the chorus of that irritating song by Paula Abdul, only I had no cartoon cat for comic relief.

Now things are slowly falling into place. I've got a new job with an excellent firm. I had to go through an nth ammount of interviews before i could secure the position. I've found out that they interviewed over 100 people for only 10 positions. That meant there were at least 10 other guys vying for the position i got. All these people with years of experience in the banking industry and yet they chose me. I don't like blowing my own horn or patting my own back but sometimes, you've got to just let yourself feel good about your own achievements.

Other achievements I've managed to attain has been on the physical front. I'm the fittest I've ever been in my entire life. I'm serious, I was so much a couch potato that my old house mates from college took to calling me 'Spud'. I've almost gotten rid of my T.V. habit and have joined a gym which I've been going to religiously at least 3 times a week, most times 6 for over 4 months now and I'm finally feeling the benefits of my sacrifice. Hell, it's no longer even a sacrifice anymore, it's more like a hobby now.

I almost did lose it though. Several days before the bank called me up I was beginning to feel suicidal. I was thinking,"Ah, f**k it. I'm gonna be bum for the rest of my life, a leach." and that really got to me. Deeper and deeper I fell into it until that one morning when the phone rang. For some people, it's ok to hang around and do nothing. For some people, it's bliss not having to do any work. For me, it's a living hell. No feeling of achievement, no sense of direction, I felt like i was on the fast train to nowhere. All i could do was to try and numb the tedium of nothingness.

I'm the kind of person who feels that you are what you do, and what you do shapes and molds you. So it's important that you feel pride with the work your doing. Forget the fun bit, if you're proud of your work, you will feel a sense of achievement, and achievement is what brings pleasure, true pleasure. Until now I've been doing a string of jobs which didn't engender any feeling of pride within what so ever. I worked in Chocolate factory for awhile, then I moved into a direct sales firm after that a company selling cd's that were supposed to rewrite your subconcious. I was supposed to have had an air of professionality around me and that was supposed to give me my pride in my work. With the chocolate factory, I don't even like chocolate so i couldn't get close enough to the product to market it properly. With the other two jobs, with one my main task was to manipulate people, the other I was supposed to lie to and take advantage of them. How am i suppose to feel any pride in that?

Anyway, I feel a new chapter in my life is dawning as one has just closed behind me. It's been an interesting 8 months I'll give you that, and I've met some really special people along the way. I stand here waiting to see what the next part of my life will bring and for a change, I;m actually looking forward to it! I appologise if this post seems a bit long winded and well, up myself, but I had a lot i needed to get of my chest and in a way, air out my attic! Finally though, I would like to thank all of you out there who do read this blog, i do know there are a few regulars. Thank you for all the love and support you've given me when I was troubled, thank you so much!

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first met.

Sitting at a café, the little old man says, "Remember the first time I met you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave you one from behind."

"Why, yes, I remember it well, dear," replies the little old lady with a grin.

"Well, for old time's sake, let's go there again. and I'll give you one from behind."

The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress.

The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady's hips, and the little old lady reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is 40 minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don't move for an hour.

Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this -- not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences.

Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, "I have to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in 50 years' time!"

The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Plucking up courage, the man approaches the pensioner.

He says, "Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that, particularly at your age. What's your secret? Could you shag like that 50 years ago?"

The pensioner replies, "Son, 50 years ago, that fucking fence wasn't electrified.

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks, "Why are there three in this package."

The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a pack of six and asks "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses these?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.

With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March."

Well True Believers, I got the job!

Passed my medical with flying colours! So I'll be starting work come Monday! Whoopee! Good Bye suffocating never-ending boredom of unemployment! Hello working life! Wish me luck, I still need to survive 6 months of probation before I'm confirmed.

I go to the gym a lot and am supposed to follow a stringent dietary regimen so i'm not allowed too much fat and oil in my cooking. This also means i eat a lot of chicken and tuna. I've been asked by a few friends what i do with my chicken so here's one of my recipes.

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?"

The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times.

"One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream."

So I picked up the frog and it said, "Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes."

So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.

She said, "You now have 3 wishes."

I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger."

She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!

She then asked, "What will be your second wish?"

I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. "We then made love for hours!"

Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?"

I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"

Guess what true-believers?

Remember i was moaning about not having a job just only yesterday? Well, finally that bank has called me back and told me that bank has called me back and told me that my application has been approved! Yes finally This boy will be employed. Only one last hurdle between me and a bank job, my medical. Yes, now that I'm not worried about not hearing from the bank is over, I only have o worry about the transgressions of my youth scrrewing up for me. I need to sit through a drug test. I'm so glad I've stayed clean for the longest time ever now but still, how long does it linger in your system? Will they be able to find anything still floating around in me? Luckily I just shaved my head again so I know they can't do a hair test which is more conclusive and tracks your 'habits' over a longer span of time (some time years!). So i only need to worry about the piss test... I know in Switzerland they've got urine tests which are accurate to over 6 months but I don't know how good the test they have here are.... *sigh* I guess I'll just have to wait and see....

Tune in next time and find out if the UrbanProphet past his piss test perfectly without particularly pruning his potential!

Heh, this version joke is getting a bit lame but hey, if you have a gag, u gotta run with it...

Managed solve most of the problems wth the page, even changed some text colours, but still can't figure out how to make the white text black n change the colour when the cursor hovers over links... Dunno... Try n try again...

Anyway, on the professional front, I'm still jobless at the moment. That bank never got back to me so i guess i can't count on that I didn't get the job.. :-( The hotel thing is coming along though, still have a few things to iron out and win that franchise so wish me luck.

On the personal front, things are pretty shaky though. Just had to go through a pep talk with my dad and it was all, "buck up, have more confidence..." etc etc. I did have a whole lot of confidence once but it's slowly ebbing away methinks. It's just that well, if i haven't been able to a job for the past, what, 7 months, i suppose it means there's not much for me to do here. I sometimes wonder why i chose to come back to KL at all... Seriously, if i was back in London I'm sure I'd have sorted myself out with a job by now... Dunno, if i can't find work here or elsewhere (singapore, Jakarta...) then i guess i should just move back to London.... I can't be living like this indefinitely, having to depend on other people all the time that is. It's pathetic. All i do all day is watch TV, go to the gym, read the papers (for a job) and surf the net. There's more to life than this. Just existing isn't enough for me....

May 2

1945 German troops in Italy surrender to the Allies, while Berlin surrenders to Russia's Zhukov.

On this day in 1945, approximately 1 million German soldiers lay down their arms as the terms of the German unconditional surrender, signed at Caserta on April 29, come into effect. Many Germans surrender to Japanese soldiers-Japanese Americans. Among the American tank crews that entered the northern Italian town of Biella was an all-Nisei (second-generation) infantry battalion, composed of Japanese Americans from Hawaii.

Early that same day, Russian Marshal Georgi K. Zhukov accepts the surrender of the German capital. The Red Army takes 134,000 German soldiers prisoner.

There comes a point in every ones life when you have to make a hard decision.

Usually, the outcome of this decision affects more than just yourself, or if its just you, it affects you profoundly. These decisions are bitter and difficult to even think about let alone commit to. You find your self struggling to make a choice when both options seem so scary and unerving to you, that you don't even know where to begin. You fear that at a future date you will deeply regret what you've done, that choice you have made. Especially, if it involves another person. What do you do when you don't know what you're supposed to do? What do you do when you fear you will hurt, or be hurt regardless of the options? Toss a coin? Pray to god for an answer? You torture yourself senseless over the fact, thinking, "what of this, what of that?" not knowing exactly which path to follow.

Karl Kraus, an old Austrian journalist once said, "A weak man has doubts before a decision, a strong man has doubts afterwards." How easy life would be if everyone was as single-mindedly objective as Mr. Kraus. Saying that, we can learn from Mr. Kraus. A decision has to be viewed in a balanced manner, weighing both the pros and cons, when you find the most ideal solution, make the decision, then worry about the consequences later. It is pointless to worry, if you do not execute. Most difficult decisions have to be taken with a pinch of faith and a taste bitterness. You have to swallow that bitter pill to make things right.

Saying all this, the worst possible decision a person could ever have to make, are those of the heart. For eventhough you know what you are doing is best for everyone involved, it still hurts. There is no pain greater than knowingly causing another person pain, and regretting not being able to stop it. I hurt because I know I have hurt and truly regret the fact that I have. Some decisions aren't easy, but they still have to be made.

"My basic principle is that you don't make decisions because they are easy; you don't make them because they are cheap; you don't make them because they're popular; you make them because they're right."
Theodore Hesburgh

Who Invented the Hole in a Doughnut?

First imported to the United States in the 17th century by Dutch pilgrims, the olykoek underwent a number of changes in characteristics before an American sea captain, Hanson Crockett Gregory, invented the now familiar hole in its center in 1847. After being re-imported to Europe for US troops during both World Wars, Gregory’s ring doughnut became the most recognizable form of an otherwise commonplace piece of fried dough.

"Losing a game is heartbreaking. Losing your sense of excellence or worth is a tragedy."
Joe Paterno

Hi All..

Seriously, I don't know why i keep playing Risk.

Fair enuff, I love the game. In fact it's one of my favourite board games. But seriously, how much punishment do i want receiving. I mean I've played the game for years, but I've never won a single game yet. Call me a sore loser why don't you. I was just finished off by my brother in-law again after an extensive round of the game includng copious ammounts of alcohol and my friends are now calling me well, a sore loser for sitting in my room and well, updating my blog but i just needed some time to reflect. Do I really want to put myself through this again? If I'm always losing doesn't this mean something? Maybe I was never meant to be a general. Maybe this is a case of sour grapes? If you keep losing at something, doesn't it mean you should throw in the towel and try something else? Maybe I'm being a sour loser. I don't know, what i do know is that I don't want to keep hurting myself. Yes, I'm a sensitive soul and I do not like losing. Maybe I should start playing another game that doesn't involve chance so much. I don't know, after four consecutive double ones (lowest role in the game) which by the way is the norm for me in games like this, it means I've got shit luck and should be more conservative with the things i do. I don't know, I think I'm gonna stay of things that involve to much chance and stick with things that are more certain and safe. Yes, I admit I know I'm a sore loser. But i also know i don't like losing, well not all the time at least, I don't need this for my shaky ego.............

Man all this introspection over a stupid game. To the Ancient Greeks, the sorst thing that could happen to you, was if you lost or admitted defeat. It brought shame to you and your family. They would rather die than lose in a game. Of course, this would be during the Olympics or when they were at war. Well this isn't the Olympics so I suppose i should be more laid back and not take these things so seriously. After all it's just a bloody game...

Yes, UrbanProphet 3.0 is here, it even came way before Longhorn!

With it's new dashboard and anti corrosion-splatter-proof hub, it meets all I.M.T.U standards with it's enhanced curling iron and organic red colour. Notice the little black death in the corner which will help you on your way.

Be the first one on your block to enjoy the high esteem and praise of your neighbours.

Yes, you to can own one to if you dial 0800-I-M-A-GIT now!*

I've noticed the past few days I've been postting humorous stuff on my blogs. Well, I suppose it's because this past week I've been more or less in high spirits. A lot of interesting things have evolved since last tuesday and well, I suppose I should make the best of it. When your up you should try to stay up, or at least for as long as possible. The hotel project, the gym, everything has resolved for the better. Of course, I still haven't won the bid for the franchise but at least now i know i will be capable of investing into something at least. Anyway, not to stop a good thing, here are some particularly funny nursery rhymes I've discovered along the way...

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious." The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

Yes, Finally.

After a week of thinking about what the fuck to do with my life and how to get my shit started, I've come up with a half-way decent plan.

Remember that blog i posted about a week back? All about me getting my act together mind, body and financially? Well, so far body wise I've been keeping to the program, though i gotta control my diet better. Mind wise, well, so far I've read 4 books and been reading the newspapers to keep me updated on the world. Coincidentaly, my dad arranged for me to meet up with a few people, potential investors, to set up a hotel in a popular tourist destination in Melaka. Anyway, managed to extract an agreement from them and now with the cash in hand we're bidding for the franchise. If we win the bid, my finances are sorted for the time being.

Our chances looks good though, and we should be starting operations come August or so. Apart from that, I gotta find a part time job for now to maintain my liquidity until that time. If you remember one of my posts from last week, it was then when i decided to seriously sort out my life rather then just moan about it. The funny thing is, as soon as i put my mind to it, I suddenly noticed this opportunity. I suppose opportunity always knocks, but it's your prerogative to listen for it.

"Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can. Of course, I could be wrong."

Terry Pratchett

1. Timing.
Timing is everything. Ensure that your employer is not engaged in any other matters before you approach him. If he is distracted by something which he or she considers more important then he will not pay any attention to you and your words will not be heard. Make sure that your employer isn't distracted, and has ample free time on his hands to listen to your concern. If your employer is the busy type and is constantly unavailabe, try bribing his secretary to get her to put you into his diary, you may even try sleeping with her. If that is not possible, abducting and locking his ten o'clock appointment in the broom closet would do just fine.

2. Location
Location is also important. When approaching your boss to ask for a raise consider where would be most appropriate. Ideally, the location should be a neutral, non-threatening place where both of you would feel comfortable to open up to each other. This could be in a restaurant, a bar, or even a park. Take on him on a trip to the zoo or to the movies. Unfortunately if you keep doing this your co-workers may think that you're sleeping with him so most likely you'd have to do ist somewhere in the office. Wherever it is you meet him, make sure that you're alone, last thing you want is to have an audience as that may become distracting to both you and your boss.

3. Bringing Up the Matter of a Raise
Now that the moment is right and the place is ideal, how do you bring up the matter of the raise? Ideally he should now what the meeting is about prior to it happening. One way is to send him an e-mail regarding that you wish to have a 'performance appraisal' so you wouldn't have to worry about this. Depending on your boss you may not wish to do this for it may give him to much time to think of he shouldn't give you a raise. So surprise him. Bring it up in a matter of fact way and see what his reaction is. If he starts laughing it may be taken as a bad sign of things to come. Equally so if you see any of his veins bulge out and start throbbing in an unusual manner.

4. Arguing Your Point
Be strong and assertive. Tell him why you deserve a raise don't fall into the trap of trying to prove you need a raise. You know you deserve it. Show him on paper your contribution was to the company. Argue how you are so desireable elsewhere that the competition is knocking dow your door trying to get you to leave to them. Show him how his company would fail without you. How he is so lucky to have you in the first place that he should be kissing your feet and throwing rose petals over your path. His first born child should be named after you, or if he or she already has a name, he/she should be re-named after you. All this, I'm sure you realise, are lies. Which brings us to our next point.

5. Lying About How Important You Are
It is important to remember that when you lie that you don't change your story half-way. Also, a lie is best if it has some element of truth in it. Always make sure your arse is covered. If you get caught in a lie, it can be quiet embarassing if not potentially damaging. A good lie is a simple lie. Though if you're trying to show how spectacular you are when all you've done since you started work at the organisation was to develop a better way to arrange paper clips then complexity may be key. Forge paper work, or if you're to lazy, plagiarise other peoples paperwork, to show how much work you've put out. Take credit from other peoples projects by association. Another good way is to exagerate the importance of your work, if you can somehow convince your boss that your new method making paper airplanes has saved the company over $25k then you've won half the battle.

6. Putting Your Colleagues Down
Say you know you can't convince your boss that you deserve on the merit of your work alone regardless of the lies you have told so far, then what do you do? Your boss can only call you useless if your colleagues are noticebly more useful then you. It all boils down to a frame of reference, your boss looks at how you measure up to your colleuges so it is essential that you put them down first before they make you look bad. If everyone 'seems' more useless then you and you are the star achiever at the office, then how can he deny you your raise?

7. Threaten to Leave
Tell him if he doesn't give you a raise you'll leave. This may have some undesireable affects if so far you've had to relly on steps 5 & 6, namely he'll let you leave. So only do this if you know you have a platform to stand one as this should be an almost last resort.

8. Offer Sexual Favours
This usually works if your boss is of the opposite sex, or sometimes the same. This has a high success rate an is usually quite affective. Though the one drawback would be that your boss might expect you to make good on your promise after you get that raise.

9. Kidnap a Member of His Family
Kidnapping a member of his family is another way to get him to agree to give you a raise. It would be seen as very assertive and since it normally takes more then one person to kidnap another person, you would be showing good leadership techniques if you pull the kidnapping off well. Make sure, however, that you kidnap somebody he actually cares about. There's no point in kidnapping a mother in law he doesn't like. Though if you look at it another way, if you disposed of her quietly he might atill give you that raise.

10. Threaten to Cause Yourself Bodily Harm
Tell him you'll hurt yourself if he doesn't give you a raise. This will work best if you've got a good working relationship with him. Again this may have undesireable results as your boss may then ask to assist you in causing yourself bodily harm especially if you just kidnapped a member of his family.

If All else Fails:
11. Threaten to Cause Him Bodily Harm
Nothing gets attention, answers and agreement then the immediate threat of pain. This is best done if you have a weapon, use the lamp on his desk, or his letter opener. Avoid unwieldy objects like a large chair or items that are to heavy as even though it might look threatening, he knows you don't have enough room to swing it. The best option is to think ahead and bring a weapon in with you. Firearms generally are the best option and he'll definitely agree to give you a raise if you bring one of those in with you. But then again he'd most likely agree that he is also a dancing polar bear and he likes to wear green tutu's if you asked him.

Whoah! I just re-read my last post... Seemed darker then usual but then again i was under the influence of quite a wee bit of alcohol last night when i wrote it. A few friends popped by last night for a quiet get together where we all sat down and played 'Risk'. Great game, really, it is. What with all the plotting and politicking, shady deals and hidden agendas, it was much like real life.

Anyway, it was great evening, though i'm sure some of you are like,"what u sat down and played a board game? Boring!". Well, if that's you're attitude then go away and read someone elses blog! ;-p Really, all of u who haven't played the game, go to the shop, pick up a set, invite your closest chums over and be ready for oh, only 6 to 7 hours of great heated strategy. Trust me after the first hour or so, things will get personal, and that's where the true fun is...

Hi all...

I'm back in KL.

Wow, it was real good over in Jakarta, managed to clear my head out real good n cogitate on what i should do next with my life. For those of you ho aren't in the know, well, so far in the past six months I've gone into 3 jobs, lost 4, migrated, left 1 relationship and now I'm in another, got myself interviewed in a local magazine (full four page spread! of course there were 5 other people with me), gone on holiday and came back and recently got diagnosed with leukoplakia which is a precancerous lesion in my mouth... Scary...

So many things has happened to me in barely 6 months more then say in the past 3 years... The lesion, though it sounds scary, is considered precancerous as it roughly has a 3% chance of turning into cancer. Not much, but still...

Anyway, 6 months. So many things, so many places, so many things to think about, so many things to consider. I still don't have a permanent job at the moment, my application with that big bank is still being 'processed'. Everything in mylife is telling me to wait but at the same time it's telling me i'm running out of time, running out of space. I've got so many things that needs to be done yet so many things are holding me back. Well, I suppose that's life, c'est la vie...

Right now I'm living on the good will and love of others, for which i am truly grateful for but this is something I'd rather not endure. I feel like my life has been taken away from, that i have no control over what i do or what happens to me. Truly, this is scary, this is very scary. I have no direction, no aim, no goal, no destination known. Hmm... So many things i've had to think and ponder about.

All the way since my return, i've been told to but listen and to follow though i have been led many a times to many dead ends. Yet no matter what i do, it seems to be be out of my control, I am always depending on some factor or someone, or something, in order to reach that which i desire. Yet led am i, to follow blindly down paths unknown to me, unwanted by me but dragged am i to destinations unknown. I suppose that is but life, c'est la vie.

Anyway, this job that i want has been dangling infront of me just out of reach, but like Phineus i am left wanting as it is pulled away from me when it seems almost but in reach. "Wait, we'll tell you soon." If they were to but tell me that it's over and done with I would sleep easier in my bed.

But enough of moaning and complaining, one has to make do with what one has and strive to better himself regardless of what obstruction there may be. Unlike Phineus, no hero or heroine will come to my save me for i must save myself, as in truth, i am but my own harpy. At times i feel though that i just can't let go for fear of what my lay ahead, i fear to strive forward. Auribus teneo lupum. I hold a wolf by the ears, meaning i feel i'm in a dangerous situation and i dare not let go. Alas, let go i must and forge my way forward. My harpies will not leave me alone and will mock me every step i take, belittle my every move, but i will go onwards, i will.

My plan is to first control myself. My body, my habits and my mind. Physical exercise leads to strength of body and confidence in oneself. Control of ones habits, is integral to the sucess of both the forer and the latter. It instils discipline, and without discipline all achievements are moot and are not of any consequence as they could never be replicated, ergo no progress could ever be made. Exercise of ones mind by learning and the arts, developes the mental tools necessary to achieve anything of any consequence. Without which ones mind would stagnate, and this stagnation would, as with any dinosaur of thought or body, lead to extinction. Once I have control of myself, I will have control of my harpies. Once I have control of my harpies, I would have nothing to fear but fear itself to paraphrase Roosevelt.

Step 2 would be to take control of my financial situation. I will not go in to this as well, this is a public billboard and i will not broadcast all my secrets... ;-) But with financial stability and piece of mind and body, I will be able to move forward. Some might say I should include spiritual progress into to my plans, but well really, when the chips are down, earth and blood is what but matters, the soul will find it's own way as god helps those who helps themselves.

Eitherways, this has bee a long blog and the hour is quite late. Suffice to say in Appolonius' retelling of the Argonauts, Phineas represents all of us, life is but a trial of mind and body, it will mockingly present you with what seems to be the impossible as the harpies tortures phineas with the chance of something that but turned to nothing. It is only through wit and wisdom you can capture you're own harpies and set yourself free as Phinues was free to live life without persecution. For surely, that is what we all wish for, to be free?

I've been a bad bad person for neglecting my true believers out there.

Sorry my beloved public, but I've been away out of the country for the past week. Yes, true believers, the Prophet has left the country. Well, only for a wee while that is. My mum dropped by a week ago and decided that she wanted to drag aher 'lil boys ass over to Jakarta and spend a week with her and me dad seeing that I've got all the free time in the world at the moment. So far, I've had a lot of fun but seriously, this holidaying is making a mess of my gym schedule and i need to go home soon. My mum told me, "oh you can use our gym" but that was just a ploy to get me here. Now that i'm here i find out i need to be signed in by someone who's a member (my mum, dad or my brother) and pay a fee to use the gym. I'd be willing to pay but no one wants to follow and sign me in... *sob*

My diets gone right out the window so far, my mum can't seem to cook enough food for me and bless her, but she keeps stuffing me silly every meal and i really can't take it anymore. Anyway, so far I went on a day trip to Anyer last Sunday and managed to pick up some food poisoning while i was there. Did manage to see the growing remains of krakatoa, you know, that volcano that killed like a million people 100 years ago. The next few days saw me rolling around in bed in agony. It was like my body was confused, on the first day everything wanted to come out one way, then on the second day it all came out the other end, now finally, nothing wants to come out at all... Whoopie for me....

Anyway, I did visit a few malls in between purges and they were well, like malls every where else... Pretty much boring... Tomorrow though i'm in for a treat though. I'll be going of to a place called Bogor up in the highlands surrounding Jakarta. They've got an excellent wild life park, huge with loads of animals and the last time i went there (oh 15 odd years ago) an elephant charged the car we were in, now that... was a lot of fun!

I'll update you all on my progress tomorrow, that's if my brother lets me use his computer again... Hopefully... God willing... So you all take care, have fun and remember... If you end up in some strange little village cafe in some 3rd world country, what ever you do, do not drink anything that has ice in it... It feels a whole lot better straight outta the can, or else you'll end up in the can if you know what i mean... Constantly... Then you can't go at all... *sniff*

If you're a doctor or a cop, you probably enjoy it when people ask you what you do for a living. You can explain your job in one word and people will respect you for it. You could be the worst doctor in the world - like say you're a surgeon who turns people in Siamese twins twice a week - and you would still be respected. Or you could be a cop who shoots eye witnesses to save on paper work. It wouldn't matter. You have a one word job description and people will love you for it.

Now, I've held a fair numbers of positions in my time and I've been called many things and what i notive is that rarely do people do what their titles say they do or at least allude to what they do. Sometimes, their job titles are downright misleading. A personal example was when i was a student i took a job with Shell and my official title was Senior Sanitation Engineer. Sounds impressive right? Makes you think that my job involved heavy machinery or something, right? Well, the only heavy machinery i operated was a vacuum cleaner as in real world terms, I was a cleaner. Companies sometimes also are guilty of giving position titles that are so idiosyncratic to that company no one outside tha company would have the slightest inkling of what that job actualy does. 

In one company i worked for which by the way was a Direct Marketing Company, there was a chap who's job title was Assistant Quality Administrator for Excellence. To this day i have no idea what he did and i worked there! I'm sure many of you have strange or jargonic sounding position titles and feel free put a comment on my blog. Anyway, i suppose he bottom line is you shouldn't always take what people say they do at face value, and a basic rule of thumb i suppose, is that the more sylables the title has, the lower down the food chain that position most likely is.

My god, my god, my god!

Can't believe i haven't posted in over a week. Feel like I'm experiencing withdrawal or something. It's not that I've been so utterly busy that I've had to no time to post anything. It's more like the latter. I've had copious ammounts of time, due to my status of being currently unemployed, that my usually laidback self has been so laid back I'm lying down. It's been a case of "I'll do it in an hour." for the past week or so. Now, finally, that hour has dawned and I'm finally posted something.

Well, today I'm finally out of the house. I've been veggieng in my room all week. It's nice to see people, the sun. buildings, anything, apart from the four walls of my teeny tiny room.On the job front, I'm supposed to call that HR guy from the bank today to find out how my applications doing. A bit nervous la to call, well that and i forgot to bring his number when i went out.

Just finished my firts cycle at the gym. Whoah, 12 weeks on and i feel slightly stronger than i did before i started. Noticeble change though, I've lost 4 inches off my waist and gained an 1 and 1/2 on my biceps! Yay for me! Anyway, I'm thinking of taking a bus up north next week to look at some old ruins in Kedah. Supposed to be the oldest settlement in Malaysia they've found, over a 1000 yrs old. Not ancient by European standards but pretty darned old for S.E. Asia. Next week I'm flying of to Jakarta to meet up with my dear old mum and dad. Looking forward to it, I need a break from this endless tedium of unmployment. Yes, you may say i got time to spare, but when you have no money to do things it gets pretty hard to to anything with it. Weird, when you're working you got cash but you ain't got time, when you're not working it's the other way around. You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't i guess.

Anyway, I gotta leave starbuck's soon, so i'll post again later when i get back with the results of my call to that HR guy. Regards all and take care.....

Yesterday I posted the lyrics to one of my most favourite songs, "Everything", by Alanis Morisette. Yes, yes, call me a big softy if you must but i do have my sensitive side and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Well, I was asked a question with i didn't answer in a straight forward manner about the song. Someone asked me who the song reminded me of when i heard the song. I replied "she know who whe is." Well to be honest, the reason i like the song isn't because it reminds me of anyone, it's because I find many paralels in my own concept of what i consider to be love in that song.

I like the song because I relate to it, it more or less voices what i want in a relationship. I want my partner to love me for everything that i am, both good and bad. The way that Alanis describes herself in the song, that she can be this and that, she's an asshole and a baby, yet wise and kind, putting both the negative and positive on equal par yet at the end of it all she states that her beau loves her regardless of her flaws. No ones perfect, and if you go on looking for the perfect mate you'll just find yourself hurt. Alternatively, if you constantly try to change your partner to something else that is other from what he/she is again all you'll find is hurt. The problem is that more often than not people cannot change, they can only addapt.

Alanis' beau understands this and loves her for what she is, well, in the song anyway. He loves her for the person that she is. He's not in love with her image, her body, her potential or any other singular feature that she posesses. He's in love with her, her as a whole. Every feature and aspect of the woman he finds besmitting even though she's not the most beautiful woman on earth or the smartest or the sexiest. To him, because it is her, she is all that and more. I suppose I'm talking about impartial love and unfortunately you only get that from pets! It is possible though for two people to reach something that is almost there and both sides will have to bend a bit here and there before they reach it but when they do, it is heaven. That is in my opinion what true love is.

It's not the flowers, the valentines or the chocolates or candles or moon-lit dinners, it's understanding and more importantly, acceptance. Understanding that both are equal and accepting the idea of each others individuality. All the rest are merely gestures. There are many paths a person can walk down in life, each is personal and seperate from anyone elses, but two paths can be parallel to each other but only if both sides want to walk together. I suppose the answer to that question is that it's me that I'm thinking of when i hear that song. It is me who wants to be singing it, though i would like my partner to be singing it with me.

Whoah, ast week-end was a blast, seriously...

Went up to Genting, a resort cum casino in the highlands of Malaysia for those of you who don't know, for an outdoor "event". Dance music mostly and a little bit of hip-hop n R n B... Over 15,000 tickets were sold and about 20,000 people turned up... Anyway, if you've been following my posts you would have known this by now so now is the story of my recovery n what i did when i was up there as i'm sure some people must be simply dying to know!

Anyway, the trip up there wasn't too bad... Took me about 1 hr n 1/2+ to pick me cousin up, by me booze n other necessities and get to the base of Genting... The drive up was a panoply of twists turn n hair-pins it was rediculous, "good luck to me on the way down" i thought. When we finally reached the summit n got to me hotel, First World Hotel. Now, I'm not kidding when i say that we should find whichever architect it was who designed this immense monstrosity, and hang the bastard for this grievious rong upon humanity so as to stop his/her madness. Eyesore does not even begin to describe what this building looks like. 3,000+ rooms, largest in the world this hotel. It looks like a prison, but realising their folly after they constructed this, this, behemoth of concrete, they decided to paint it in flowing rainbow stripes! It is the most god-awful building i've ever seen, if it was a dog they shoot it out of compassion! Nothing deserves to look like that....

eeuch!

As I sit here sipping my tea, I realise I have barely 2 1/2 hrs before my interview. In any other part of the world, particularly the bits that are rather flat and have not that many buildings, 2 1/2 hrs is more then enough time to make what should be a 20 minute journey. However, temporal space in large cities tend to be rather warped and disfigured, where leaving five minutes after doesn't necessarily mean it'll take you 5 minutes more. It might mean you'll reach there 3minutes early or 1 hr late depending on the time of day.

I have a theory about this.

I think this is due to all the large buildings a city has, the combine mass of the aforesaid buildings warp time and space itself and much like a star can bend light, these buildings bend time. So when you leave at different intervals, you enter something like a wormhole where time has no meaning and the universe randomly spits you out at various points in time that never coincides with the time your supposed to get there. So today, I decided to cheat the universe. Yes, I've woken up 3 hrs prior to when i gotta get to my interview so that after I leave the universe will have to spit me out sometime prior to my interview. Yes, how clever am I! Now I just need to rub my lucky rabbits foot and find my medallions to ward off the evil attentions of the ancient and evil spirits of HR. Wish me Luck!

I can't wait for Saturday.

It's been a long time since I've went to a proper party, you know, one that starts as the sun sets and ends when it comes back again. Yeah, I''ve already picked out what I'm going to wear, (yes I know, for a guy, I'm pretty vain!) booked my room and now all I have to do is wait. It should be a real banging party, I hope, they've got D.J.'s from all voer flying down, what's more it's gonna be held on the roof-top of a car-park right up in the mountains. Hmm, I wonder if anyone's gonna fall off? Anyway, I've also decided that as I'm starting a new job soon, I hope, I'm gonna restrict my partying to once a month. Expensive habit to have, clubbing. Also, I think I'll be needing to concentrate on my new job 110%.

Anyway, my interview is tomorrow. Arg! Starting to get butterflies in my stomach and what's worse, I'm starting to come down with the flu! Apart from that I feel pretty much pumped about the whole ordeal that I'll have to face. Been going through all the possible questions in my head and coming up with appropriate answers. Anyway, gotta go now, need to freshen up and shower as my sweetheart's coming over to pick me up. Ciaou 'til tomorrow....

Well for those of you who don't know me personally, I'm once again without a job... The space aliens who hired me were getting a bit too much for me, so i basically told them where they could stick their cd's and collected my first and final pay-cheque from them today. They weren't bad people, really, but my gosh when every conversation begins with "Dr.______ says that if you listen to this cd it will .......". I hat to break it to them but there is no such thing as a quick fix and if you've got problems there's only one person who can solve it for you and that's you. In the words of my signifigant other when it comes to problems, "you've got to grin and bare it."

Well anyway, I've had it up to here with wee ickle companies and decided to set my sites on biger prey. I've decided to work for a bank. A nice stable organisation with set rules, practices and job specifications. A bit of good fortune came my way the other day and i got invited to an interview over at the biggest bank in Malaysia, MayBank. As always, I managed to give a good first impression with my potential employers. I'm a bit of a social chameleon and have always found it easy for me to 'fit in' when i want to. I guess it boils down to understanding what people want to hear and knowing when to say it.

Anyway, I scored immensely in my last interview and have been invited to a second interview. According to some of my friends, when it comes to banks, getting past you're first interview is usually the killer as that's when the 'boss' most likely talks to you. The second interview is left to HR to beat up what's left of you. Anyway, interview #1 ended with smiles and laughs and lots of hand-shaking so I'm actually looking forward to my next interview.

If i get this job methinks I'm gonna stick to it like a dog with a bone. I've had enough fun already and need to think about my future. God, if my dad heard me saying that I think he'd buy me a cigar. Anyway, this week-end I'm gonna celebrate me getting the job, whoah lotsa self confidence there, by partying down up on Genting. They've got a big event with loads of DJ's coming over from the UK. It'll be an all night event so i'm gonna whip out my dancing shoes and boogie to the break of dawn. If you wanna get tickets for those of you in Malaysia n Singapore check out this link. Tickets can be bought at the club itself but you'll get the details from zouk's site.