Phineas saved from his harpies
Hi all...
I'm back in KL.
Wow, it was real good over in Jakarta, managed to clear my head out real good n cogitate on what i should do next with my life. For those of you ho aren't in the know, well, so far in the past six months I've gone into 3 jobs, lost 4, migrated, left 1 relationship and now I'm in another, got myself interviewed in a local magazine (full four page spread! of course there were 5 other people with me), gone on holiday and came back and recently got diagnosed with leukoplakia which is a precancerous lesion in my mouth... Scary...
So many things has happened to me in barely 6 months more then say in the past 3 years... The lesion, though it sounds scary, is considered precancerous as it roughly has a 3% chance of turning into cancer. Not much, but still...
Anyway, 6 months. So many things, so many places, so many things to think about, so many things to consider. I still don't have a permanent job at the moment, my application with that big bank is still being 'processed'. Everything in mylife is telling me to wait but at the same time it's telling me i'm running out of time, running out of space. I've got so many things that needs to be done yet so many things are holding me back. Well, I suppose that's life, c'est la vie...
Right now I'm living on the good will and love of others, for which i am truly grateful for but this is something I'd rather not endure. I feel like my life has been taken away from, that i have no control over what i do or what happens to me. Truly, this is scary, this is very scary. I have no direction, no aim, no goal, no destination known. Hmm... So many things i've had to think and ponder about.
All the way since my return, i've been told to but listen and to follow though i have been led many a times to many dead ends. Yet no matter what i do, it seems to be be out of my control, I am always depending on some factor or someone, or something, in order to reach that which i desire. Yet led am i, to follow blindly down paths unknown to me, unwanted by me but dragged am i to destinations unknown. I suppose that is but life, c'est la vie.
Anyway, this job that i want has been dangling infront of me just out of reach, but like Phineus i am left wanting as it is pulled away from me when it seems almost but in reach. "Wait, we'll tell you soon." If they were to but tell me that it's over and done with I would sleep easier in my bed.
But enough of moaning and complaining, one has to make do with what one has and strive to better himself regardless of what obstruction there may be. Unlike Phineus, no hero or heroine will come to my save me for i must save myself, as in truth, i am but my own harpy. At times i feel though that i just can't let go for fear of what my lay ahead, i fear to strive forward. Auribus teneo lupum. I hold a wolf by the ears, meaning i feel i'm in a dangerous situation and i dare not let go. Alas, let go i must and forge my way forward. My harpies will not leave me alone and will mock me every step i take, belittle my every move, but i will go onwards, i will.
My plan is to first control myself. My body, my habits and my mind. Physical exercise leads to strength of body and confidence in oneself. Control of ones habits, is integral to the sucess of both the forer and the latter. It instils discipline, and without discipline all achievements are moot and are not of any consequence as they could never be replicated, ergo no progress could ever be made. Exercise of ones mind by learning and the arts, developes the mental tools necessary to achieve anything of any consequence. Without which ones mind would stagnate, and this stagnation would, as with any dinosaur of thought or body, lead to extinction. Once I have control of myself, I will have control of my harpies. Once I have control of my harpies, I would have nothing to fear but fear itself to paraphrase Roosevelt.
Step 2 would be to take control of my financial situation. I will not go in to this as well, this is a public billboard and i will not broadcast all my secrets... ;-) But with financial stability and piece of mind and body, I will be able to move forward. Some might say I should include spiritual progress into to my plans, but well really, when the chips are down, earth and blood is what but matters, the soul will find it's own way as god helps those who helps themselves.
Eitherways, this has bee a long blog and the hour is quite late. Suffice to say in Appolonius' retelling of the Argonauts, Phineas represents all of us, life is but a trial of mind and body, it will mockingly present you with what seems to be the impossible as the harpies tortures phineas with the chance of something that but turned to nothing. It is only through wit and wisdom you can capture you're own harpies and set yourself free as Phinues was free to live life without persecution. For surely, that is what we all wish for, to be free?
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