The past 8 months since I've gotten back to Malaysia has been pretty strange. Interesting at times, sometimes wonderful and at other times completedown right horrifying. If you were to chart down my emotions over entire span of time since I came back, ecstatic at the top and complete depression at the bottom, the chart would have more peaks and throughs then the Himalayas! My entire life, or at least how i understood what life was, shattered to bits in more or less one fell swoop. My entire concept of what i defined my 'me'-ness to be, changed and i had no idea where to start to pick up the pieces.
Well, it wasn't so traumatising as it sometimes feels I suppose but i had to sit back for a long while trying to rediscover what it is to be independent all over again. I've been through so many jobs, met so many people, been through a lot of different yet interesting though at times scary, experiences over these few months. It was like living in limbo, not knowing where to go or what to do, each step forward seemed to be followed by two steps, back much like the chorus of that irritating song by Paula Abdul, only I had no cartoon cat for comic relief.
Now things are slowly falling into place. I've got a new job with an excellent firm. I had to go through an nth ammount of interviews before i could secure the position. I've found out that they interviewed over 100 people for only 10 positions. That meant there were at least 10 other guys vying for the position i got. All these people with years of experience in the banking industry and yet they chose me. I don't like blowing my own horn or patting my own back but sometimes, you've got to just let yourself feel good about your own achievements.
Other achievements I've managed to attain has been on the physical front. I'm the fittest I've ever been in my entire life. I'm serious, I was so much a couch potato that my old house mates from college took to calling me 'Spud'. I've almost gotten rid of my T.V. habit and have joined a gym which I've been going to religiously at least 3 times a week, most times 6 for over 4 months now and I'm finally feeling the benefits of my sacrifice. Hell, it's no longer even a sacrifice anymore, it's more like a hobby now.
I almost did lose it though. Several days before the bank called me up I was beginning to feel suicidal. I was thinking,"Ah, f**k it. I'm gonna be bum for the rest of my life, a leach." and that really got to me. Deeper and deeper I fell into it until that one morning when the phone rang. For some people, it's ok to hang around and do nothing. For some people, it's bliss not having to do any work. For me, it's a living hell. No feeling of achievement, no sense of direction, I felt like i was on the fast train to nowhere. All i could do was to try and numb the tedium of nothingness.
I'm the kind of person who feels that you are what you do, and what you do shapes and molds you. So it's important that you feel pride with the work your doing. Forget the fun bit, if you're proud of your work, you will feel a sense of achievement, and achievement is what brings pleasure, true pleasure. Until now I've been doing a string of jobs which didn't engender any feeling of pride within what so ever. I worked in Chocolate factory for awhile, then I moved into a direct sales firm after that a company selling cd's that were supposed to rewrite your subconcious. I was supposed to have had an air of professionality around me and that was supposed to give me my pride in my work. With the chocolate factory, I don't even like chocolate so i couldn't get close enough to the product to market it properly. With the other two jobs, with one my main task was to manipulate people, the other I was supposed to lie to and take advantage of them. How am i suppose to feel any pride in that?
Anyway, I feel a new chapter in my life is dawning as one has just closed behind me. It's been an interesting 8 months I'll give you that, and I've met some really special people along the way. I stand here waiting to see what the next part of my life will bring and for a change, I;m actually looking forward to it! I appologise if this post seems a bit long winded and well, up myself, but I had a lot i needed to get of my chest and in a way, air out my attic! Finally though, I would like to thank all of you out there who do read this blog, i do know there are a few regulars. Thank you for all the love and support you've given me when I was troubled, thank you so much!
Well, it wasn't so traumatising as it sometimes feels I suppose but i had to sit back for a long while trying to rediscover what it is to be independent all over again. I've been through so many jobs, met so many people, been through a lot of different yet interesting though at times scary, experiences over these few months. It was like living in limbo, not knowing where to go or what to do, each step forward seemed to be followed by two steps, back much like the chorus of that irritating song by Paula Abdul, only I had no cartoon cat for comic relief.
Now things are slowly falling into place. I've got a new job with an excellent firm. I had to go through an nth ammount of interviews before i could secure the position. I've found out that they interviewed over 100 people for only 10 positions. That meant there were at least 10 other guys vying for the position i got. All these people with years of experience in the banking industry and yet they chose me. I don't like blowing my own horn or patting my own back but sometimes, you've got to just let yourself feel good about your own achievements.
Other achievements I've managed to attain has been on the physical front. I'm the fittest I've ever been in my entire life. I'm serious, I was so much a couch potato that my old house mates from college took to calling me 'Spud'. I've almost gotten rid of my T.V. habit and have joined a gym which I've been going to religiously at least 3 times a week, most times 6 for over 4 months now and I'm finally feeling the benefits of my sacrifice. Hell, it's no longer even a sacrifice anymore, it's more like a hobby now.
I almost did lose it though. Several days before the bank called me up I was beginning to feel suicidal. I was thinking,"Ah, f**k it. I'm gonna be bum for the rest of my life, a leach." and that really got to me. Deeper and deeper I fell into it until that one morning when the phone rang. For some people, it's ok to hang around and do nothing. For some people, it's bliss not having to do any work. For me, it's a living hell. No feeling of achievement, no sense of direction, I felt like i was on the fast train to nowhere. All i could do was to try and numb the tedium of nothingness.
I'm the kind of person who feels that you are what you do, and what you do shapes and molds you. So it's important that you feel pride with the work your doing. Forget the fun bit, if you're proud of your work, you will feel a sense of achievement, and achievement is what brings pleasure, true pleasure. Until now I've been doing a string of jobs which didn't engender any feeling of pride within what so ever. I worked in Chocolate factory for awhile, then I moved into a direct sales firm after that a company selling cd's that were supposed to rewrite your subconcious. I was supposed to have had an air of professionality around me and that was supposed to give me my pride in my work. With the chocolate factory, I don't even like chocolate so i couldn't get close enough to the product to market it properly. With the other two jobs, with one my main task was to manipulate people, the other I was supposed to lie to and take advantage of them. How am i suppose to feel any pride in that?
Anyway, I feel a new chapter in my life is dawning as one has just closed behind me. It's been an interesting 8 months I'll give you that, and I've met some really special people along the way. I stand here waiting to see what the next part of my life will bring and for a change, I;m actually looking forward to it! I appologise if this post seems a bit long winded and well, up myself, but I had a lot i needed to get of my chest and in a way, air out my attic! Finally though, I would like to thank all of you out there who do read this blog, i do know there are a few regulars. Thank you for all the love and support you've given me when I was troubled, thank you so much!
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