I have a confession to make.
There have been times in my life that i haven't been entirely honest and have made decisions that were poorly thought out. I have made every mistake imaginable, and have been careless with the affection and good-will of others. I've never truly back-stabbed though I have felt pangs of four letter words swell up and subside over an individual or two. Yes true-believers, yours truly has been selfish and nasty.
Well, to give myself some credit, I've not been all bad and have been steadily trying to improve myself. Either way, I'm not a total green-eyed monster and actually I am quite normal. It's just in my nature to feel the heavy hand of guilt quite readily on my shoulders which leads me to the point of this little soiree of letters and sentences; Feeling Guilt Over Things Done In The Past.
I have this tendency, of replaying little incidents from the past in my head, of things that I've done or said, felt or experienced and mentally beat myself up over it. I've felt guilt over things I did when I was six well up and left me practically depressed. Guilt is a strong emotion, to those that feel it. It's a potent learning experience and helps you stop repeating otherwise damaging overt anti-social behaviour if continued would definitely lead to ostracism, or worse.
Usually the case is you do something, figure out that what you did was pretty, a) stupid b) unethical c) immoral d) unthinking etc etc, and feel bad about it afterwards. Sometimes guilt is built in and reinforced from a young age via numerous social pressures such as religion. This form of guilt springs up even at the merest thought of doing an action that would be contra to your current belief structure. Bottom line is that guilt makes you crappy and ad about being crappy.
There have been times in my life that i haven't been entirely honest and have made decisions that were poorly thought out. I have made every mistake imaginable, and have been careless with the affection and good-will of others. I've never truly back-stabbed though I have felt pangs of four letter words swell up and subside over an individual or two. Yes true-believers, yours truly has been selfish and nasty.
Well, to give myself some credit, I've not been all bad and have been steadily trying to improve myself. Either way, I'm not a total green-eyed monster and actually I am quite normal. It's just in my nature to feel the heavy hand of guilt quite readily on my shoulders which leads me to the point of this little soiree of letters and sentences; Feeling Guilt Over Things Done In The Past.
I have this tendency, of replaying little incidents from the past in my head, of things that I've done or said, felt or experienced and mentally beat myself up over it. I've felt guilt over things I did when I was six well up and left me practically depressed. Guilt is a strong emotion, to those that feel it. It's a potent learning experience and helps you stop repeating otherwise damaging overt anti-social behaviour if continued would definitely lead to ostracism, or worse.
Usually the case is you do something, figure out that what you did was pretty, a) stupid b) unethical c) immoral d) unthinking etc etc, and feel bad about it afterwards. Sometimes guilt is built in and reinforced from a young age via numerous social pressures such as religion. This form of guilt springs up even at the merest thought of doing an action that would be contra to your current belief structure. Bottom line is that guilt makes you crappy and ad about being crappy.
"It's not that I don't have a conscience, I just choose not to listen to it sometimes."
In my younger years, a close friend asked me how I could I have such a hedonistic devil may care attitude towards life and people in general (I'm much better now honest!). I replied, "It's not that I don't have a conscience, I just choose not to listen to it sometimes." What I should have added was, "Then I let it beat me up afterwards." Fair enough, everyone feels bad about the mistakes of the past. Everybody regrets. I suppose when you are younger and don't have as deep an understanding of that there are repercussions to your actions that will affect others or yourself, if not now that most definitely later. Guilt is the realisation that such repercussions could have been avoided only if you hadn't screwed about half as much.
Realisation is such a strong word, which I belive many do not exhibit or experience enough in this world. People have a tendency to act and not care, not realise that they could have hurt someone or in fact just did. This realisation if taken positively, builds the foundation of supporting experiences necessary to live a happier life removed from avoidable bad experiences, because, well, you learned to avoid them by not doing them in the first place. If taken negatively though, excessive guilt can seriously f*** you up. So it's important to have a good sense of balance over these things. Hey, I'm learning how to handle it to, if i figure it out before any of you do I'd be sure to tell you so long as you do like-wise.
A wise man once said, that an honest man with a good sense of right and wrong, sleeps better than some one who isn't. Why? Because he doesn't have to worry or feel upset over the actions that he did. Personally, I do feel a heckuva lotta guilt over some of the crap I've comitted in my life. Trust me, I've not been a good boy, I am now or at least I'm trying my best to be. I appologise if I've ever hurt or offended any of you in blogger-land, intentionally or unintentionally (though if it was intentionally I'm sure i had a good reason at the time!). Regardless i do feel bad about it. Anyway, enough of my blabbering, see you guys around...
DISCLAIMER:
This piece was written purely from a point of view perspective discussing the topic in general. Feelings discussed and in this piece are purely in the past and if were pertaining to actions involving you, you are already aware of it. Friends and loved ones reading this must realise and accept that this is not
a. an admission of comitting
b. an admission of contemplation to commit
an act or acts that would lead me to feelings of guilt over the aforementioned possibility of action. Please pleas please believe me. It's true, I've not done anything wrong. Trust me... Pretty Please?
1 comments:
"Guilt is a strong emotion, to those that feel it. It's a potent learning experience and helps you stop repeating otherwise damaging overt anti-social behaviour if continued would definitely lead to ostracism, or worse.
I suppose when you are younger and don't have as deep an understanding of that there are repercussions to your actions that will affect others or yourself, if not now that most definitely later. Guilt is the realisation that such repercussions could have been avoided only if you hadn't screwed about half as much.
Realisation is such a strong word, which I belive many do not exhibit or experience enough in this world. People have a tendency to act and not care, not realise that they could have hurt someone or in fact just did.
This realisation if taken positively, builds the foundation of supporting experiences necessary to live a happier life removed from avoidable bad experiences, because, well, you learned to avoid them by not doing them in the first place."
you know, you ought to remember your own words and live by them. perhaps then and only then will you stop hurting others with your "unthinking" actions.
because you know, a heart that has been shattered time and time again, might be left with little strength to ever heal completely.