The Urbаn Prophet™ 5.0

The art of managing people in an office environment is a complex issue as it involves getting people to do things they wouldn’t ordinarily do on their own accord: Work. This particularly prominent in the cubicle community as they generally represent the company’s dregs that do menial, repetitive tasks which generally are boring and under-stimulating. This under-stimulation leaves their brains prey to things that are genuinely stimulating i.e. the Internet, chatting, drinking coffee, causing mayhem and general disorder in the workplace etc. This over-stimulation does have a tendency to impede productivity in the work force so studies have shown that most incentives barely work and if they do they are short-lived and last only as long as it takes the employee the acclimatize to it.

So what is the answer then dear student? Brain-slugs! Yes, use of brain-slugs in the work place has shown that management can increase office efficiency by a ten-fold thus ensuring increased profits for shareholders. After insemination of the slug into the employee, the employee will become more pliant and willing to suggestion, and can be done to do any number of menial, unnecessary tasks uncomplaining, continuously. Also, use of brain-slugs has proven that employees are more willing to endure sever pay-cuts and can actually be trained to accept only bread and water as an attractive remuneration for their work. Some precaution must be taken by management however as brain-slugs do tend to reproduce quite prodigiously and employees may attempt to infect management. Enforcement of hats as part of the dress code for management would solve this problem. Also, infected employees have a tendency to drool excessively so plastic carpets may be required.