Arg!HR reached its grimy lil hands, into its deep bucket of names and pulled mine! shit i hate going on training! Well, actually I don't. I'm usually quite positive about shit like this as I do understand these little training escapades means i get to go out of the office and learn stuff. Howeve, this 'training' couldn't come at a wrse possible time. I got a new product trial which i gotta launch come next week + all the usual paper work a bank needs to keep it running (remember, the Pile Under the Desk!) that comes around financial year end + I'm gonna be audited soon. All this equals = Tons of Crap That Needs Done, TCTND for short (pronounced tek-tend) that can't be done because half the week is blown out of the water what with my enrollment into "Towards Supervisory Excellence".It's not like I've not done enough training this year, I have. Ah well, can't blame HR, their just 'following procedure' and their just 'trying to do their job'.
Eitherway, it's been quite a learning experience so far. Straight of the bat today, it being the first day of a three day course, I learnt that I could think up over thirty physical things that are round in 3 minutes. I was kinda baffled though when they told me a DVD is a physical thing where as a CD-ROM is not. Apparently a CD-ROM is a kind of software, so it's not a tangible thing but an intangible thing. Wow, so all this while those silvery circular things i keep sticking into my computer doesn't exist, that must mean i must have been hallucinating all this while. I blame it all on the nonsense i did back in college fucking with my head again. What I'd like to know though, is what thinking up different thingies that are round has to do with being a supervisor. I guess it so that I can impress my staff with the ammount of 'useful' information i have in my head. The next time one of them comes asking me, "U.P. for the life of me i can't think of anything that's round. Can you help me?" I'll be able to lean back with a big grin on my face and patronisingly say, "Well that's why I'm your supervisor. Why not try DVD, or globe or even.... Basket Ball?" then they'll be like all, "oh thank you U.P. your so smart!" yeah right, what ever. I can clearly see now how it'll benefit my career.
Also during one of their sessions, they told us that only men could think logically and women could only feel with their hearts, them being all touchy feely and shit. Us men well, we're all just cold steely logic you see. Thats why we need a girl, so that they'll stop us from turning into... Dalek MenMachines from the planet Zargon! Which by the way, is also round, it being a planet and all you see. It's all falling into place now, all those years of my then signifigant others moaning about me being insensitive. The answer was right infront of my face! It's because, deep down beneath my breast, beats the heart of truly logical machine. I suppose I should walk around now waving my hands screaming lines like "Does not compute! Does not compute!" every time a woman tells me something I don't understand. Either that or I'm like a Vulcan, I suppose that explains my slightly pointy ears.
Anyway, it's late and I can't stay up any longer. Gotta go for training tomorrow. It would be illogical for me to not sleep as that just would not... compute. So I'll go to my bed, which isn't round, aand lay my head on my pillow to slowly digest all of todays much useful learning. Thirsty though so i'm gonna grab a glass of water which by the way, looks round if you like stand over it. So take care now, sleep well, and live long and prosper...
Anyway, it's late and I can't stay up any longer. Gotta go for training tomorrow. It would be illogical for me to not sleep as that just would not... compute. So I'll go to my bed, which isn't round, aand lay my head on my pillow to slowly digest all of todays much useful learning. Thirsty though so i'm gonna grab a glass of water which by the way, looks round if you like stand over it. So take care now, sleep well, and live long and prosper...
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