The Urbаn Prophet™ 5.0

Why is it that women have to talk so much in the office?

Here I am with a report as massive as the pyramids in Egypt to write, crunching through numbers and excel sheets and I have to endure this constant never ending chatter. Mind you I'm not a misogynist but my god, I wish they would all just shut up!

Shut Up!

Shut Up!

No I don't want to hear about what you did during the week-end, nor do i want to look at that picture of that baby you showed me ten times last week! Hell, it's not even yours! The kids' only your niece! Leave me alone and just let me do my work please? pretty please?

"A man's character is his fate."
Heraclitus (540 BC - 480 BC), On the Universe

Currently, there are seven windmills who can claim to be the "World's Largest Windmill", all of which are located just 10 km of the coast of Arklow, Ireland. In effect, each of the seven turbines represents the world's biggest windmill, with a wingspan almost as wide as two 747s. They are designed to withstand corrosive salt water, shifting sand, pounding waves and stormy winds. They can be operated remotely to maximize efficiency and represents Irelands first ever offshore wind facility. Arklow Bank Offshore Wind Park generates up 25Mw of energy and is the world’s first commercial application of offshore wind turbines in the 3 Mw range.

The past 8 months since I've gotten back to Malaysia has been pretty strange. Interesting at times, sometimes wonderful and at other times completedown right horrifying. If you were to chart down my emotions over entire span of time since I came back, ecstatic at the top and complete depression at the bottom, the chart would have more peaks and throughs then the Himalayas! My entire life, or at least how i understood what life was, shattered to bits in more or less one fell swoop. My entire concept of what i defined my 'me'-ness to be, changed and i had no idea where to start to pick up the pieces.

Well, it wasn't so traumatising as it sometimes feels I suppose but i had to sit back for a long while trying to rediscover what it is to be independent all over again. I've been through so many jobs, met so many people, been through a lot of different yet interesting though at times scary, experiences over these few months. It was like living in limbo, not knowing where to go or what to do, each step forward seemed to be followed by two steps, back much like the chorus of that irritating song by Paula Abdul, only I had no cartoon cat for comic relief.

Now things are slowly falling into place. I've got a new job with an excellent firm. I had to go through an nth ammount of interviews before i could secure the position. I've found out that they interviewed over 100 people for only 10 positions. That meant there were at least 10 other guys vying for the position i got. All these people with years of experience in the banking industry and yet they chose me. I don't like blowing my own horn or patting my own back but sometimes, you've got to just let yourself feel good about your own achievements.

Other achievements I've managed to attain has been on the physical front. I'm the fittest I've ever been in my entire life. I'm serious, I was so much a couch potato that my old house mates from college took to calling me 'Spud'. I've almost gotten rid of my T.V. habit and have joined a gym which I've been going to religiously at least 3 times a week, most times 6 for over 4 months now and I'm finally feeling the benefits of my sacrifice. Hell, it's no longer even a sacrifice anymore, it's more like a hobby now.

I almost did lose it though. Several days before the bank called me up I was beginning to feel suicidal. I was thinking,"Ah, f**k it. I'm gonna be bum for the rest of my life, a leach." and that really got to me. Deeper and deeper I fell into it until that one morning when the phone rang. For some people, it's ok to hang around and do nothing. For some people, it's bliss not having to do any work. For me, it's a living hell. No feeling of achievement, no sense of direction, I felt like i was on the fast train to nowhere. All i could do was to try and numb the tedium of nothingness.

I'm the kind of person who feels that you are what you do, and what you do shapes and molds you. So it's important that you feel pride with the work your doing. Forget the fun bit, if you're proud of your work, you will feel a sense of achievement, and achievement is what brings pleasure, true pleasure. Until now I've been doing a string of jobs which didn't engender any feeling of pride within what so ever. I worked in Chocolate factory for awhile, then I moved into a direct sales firm after that a company selling cd's that were supposed to rewrite your subconcious. I was supposed to have had an air of professionality around me and that was supposed to give me my pride in my work. With the chocolate factory, I don't even like chocolate so i couldn't get close enough to the product to market it properly. With the other two jobs, with one my main task was to manipulate people, the other I was supposed to lie to and take advantage of them. How am i suppose to feel any pride in that?

Anyway, I feel a new chapter in my life is dawning as one has just closed behind me. It's been an interesting 8 months I'll give you that, and I've met some really special people along the way. I stand here waiting to see what the next part of my life will bring and for a change, I;m actually looking forward to it! I appologise if this post seems a bit long winded and well, up myself, but I had a lot i needed to get of my chest and in a way, air out my attic! Finally though, I would like to thank all of you out there who do read this blog, i do know there are a few regulars. Thank you for all the love and support you've given me when I was troubled, thank you so much!

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first met.

Sitting at a café, the little old man says, "Remember the first time I met you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave you one from behind."

"Why, yes, I remember it well, dear," replies the little old lady with a grin.

"Well, for old time's sake, let's go there again. and I'll give you one from behind."

The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress.

The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady's hips, and the little old lady reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is 40 minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don't move for an hour.

Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this -- not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences.

Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, "I have to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in 50 years' time!"

The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Plucking up courage, the man approaches the pensioner.

He says, "Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that, particularly at your age. What's your secret? Could you shag like that 50 years ago?"

The pensioner replies, "Son, 50 years ago, that fucking fence wasn't electrified.

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks, "Why are there three in this package."

The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a pack of six and asks "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses these?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.

With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March."

Well True Believers, I got the job!

Passed my medical with flying colours! So I'll be starting work come Monday! Whoopee! Good Bye suffocating never-ending boredom of unemployment! Hello working life! Wish me luck, I still need to survive 6 months of probation before I'm confirmed.

I go to the gym a lot and am supposed to follow a stringent dietary regimen so i'm not allowed too much fat and oil in my cooking. This also means i eat a lot of chicken and tuna. I've been asked by a few friends what i do with my chicken so here's one of my recipes.

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?"

The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times.

"One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream."

So I picked up the frog and it said, "Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes."

So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.

She said, "You now have 3 wishes."

I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger."

She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!

She then asked, "What will be your second wish?"

I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. "We then made love for hours!"

Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?"

I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"

Guess what true-believers?

Remember i was moaning about not having a job just only yesterday? Well, finally that bank has called me back and told me that bank has called me back and told me that my application has been approved! Yes finally This boy will be employed. Only one last hurdle between me and a bank job, my medical. Yes, now that I'm not worried about not hearing from the bank is over, I only have o worry about the transgressions of my youth scrrewing up for me. I need to sit through a drug test. I'm so glad I've stayed clean for the longest time ever now but still, how long does it linger in your system? Will they be able to find anything still floating around in me? Luckily I just shaved my head again so I know they can't do a hair test which is more conclusive and tracks your 'habits' over a longer span of time (some time years!). So i only need to worry about the piss test... I know in Switzerland they've got urine tests which are accurate to over 6 months but I don't know how good the test they have here are.... *sigh* I guess I'll just have to wait and see....

Tune in next time and find out if the UrbanProphet past his piss test perfectly without particularly pruning his potential!

Heh, this version joke is getting a bit lame but hey, if you have a gag, u gotta run with it...

Managed solve most of the problems wth the page, even changed some text colours, but still can't figure out how to make the white text black n change the colour when the cursor hovers over links... Dunno... Try n try again...

Anyway, on the professional front, I'm still jobless at the moment. That bank never got back to me so i guess i can't count on that I didn't get the job.. :-( The hotel thing is coming along though, still have a few things to iron out and win that franchise so wish me luck.

On the personal front, things are pretty shaky though. Just had to go through a pep talk with my dad and it was all, "buck up, have more confidence..." etc etc. I did have a whole lot of confidence once but it's slowly ebbing away methinks. It's just that well, if i haven't been able to a job for the past, what, 7 months, i suppose it means there's not much for me to do here. I sometimes wonder why i chose to come back to KL at all... Seriously, if i was back in London I'm sure I'd have sorted myself out with a job by now... Dunno, if i can't find work here or elsewhere (singapore, Jakarta...) then i guess i should just move back to London.... I can't be living like this indefinitely, having to depend on other people all the time that is. It's pathetic. All i do all day is watch TV, go to the gym, read the papers (for a job) and surf the net. There's more to life than this. Just existing isn't enough for me....

May 2

1945 German troops in Italy surrender to the Allies, while Berlin surrenders to Russia's Zhukov.

On this day in 1945, approximately 1 million German soldiers lay down their arms as the terms of the German unconditional surrender, signed at Caserta on April 29, come into effect. Many Germans surrender to Japanese soldiers-Japanese Americans. Among the American tank crews that entered the northern Italian town of Biella was an all-Nisei (second-generation) infantry battalion, composed of Japanese Americans from Hawaii.

Early that same day, Russian Marshal Georgi K. Zhukov accepts the surrender of the German capital. The Red Army takes 134,000 German soldiers prisoner.