The Urbаn Prophet™ 5.0

A few weeks ago, I stopped over at a 7-Eleven after a night out partying to pick up a few things to help maintain my then fickle sobriety. U know various things ur supposed to consume in order to increase your mental faculties whilst under the influence (e.g. bread, water, soya milk etc). To be honest I allocate all these remedies to the status of old wives tales because, seriously, no amount of soya milk will ever fool a breathalizer nor will it help u maintain a straight line while walking. Never the less, it does give me a certain piece of mind that I did at least try to un-intoxicate myself. I do have to say that it is a stupid, stupid thing to drive under the influence and you would have to be an selfish idiot who's totaly inconsiderate about the safety of others around him. Well I guess that roughly me in a nutshell when I've been drinking, so god help me.

Anyway, so there I was at 7-E, I paid up for my stuff then proceeded to exit the shop. Staggering slightly out of the door, I was approached by a shortish man brandishing a motorcycle helmet who asked me for the time. Being the good samaritan that I am I looked down to my watch and told him that it was already, SMACK! I kind of reeled around as I got a shoulder full of helmet. It really didn't hurt that much as he hit the more fleshier parts of my shoulder but it was more the shock of being hit that got to me. First the shock, then I got angry.

I've been told that I can be an angry drunk, and I do try to control myself so as not to be too embarrassed of myself in the morning but being hit outside a 7-Eleven at 5 o'clock in the morning is a little too much for me to bare. I kind of bellowed and returned a few good blows upon my assailant. Really good, hard whacks, really it was. Unfortunately a majority of the blows landed on his helmet which was quite painful for the fingers. I managed to finally smack him one in the face which caused him to drop his helmet and lo! I suddenly was holding the hardest thing between us, It was a god send, one which I didn't use to wisely though. I kind of just chucked it at him. Luckily though, the helmet hit him right into his face and I guess I broke his nose or something because I ended up with blood on my shirt, this action thankfully floored my assailant. My first thoughts were, "Yeah, now I'm going to mug you!".

While all this was happening, which it did so rather quickly, I didn't notice that my assailants companion was waiting for him on his bike about ten meters away. When my aggressor got floored he promptly jumped off his conveyance to run to his companions aid. He did this with a small blade in hand with the intention I guess, to introduce me to internally. Fearing an unwanted reprisal I threw my watch and mobile at him along with my shopping, and ran back to my car. Looking back, I think perhaps I didn't need to chuck my stuff and should have just ran but hey, what's to stop him from running up behind me and turning my behind into something reminiscent of a pin cushion? All in all I'm glad I managed to get away more or less unscathed....